fighting bac tears

i would be lien in this very momment if i said i wasnt hurting because i truly am some things have come up an i jus cant don even kno how to explain..its takin alot of will power an strength to hold bac my tears an the fact that i kno once i start to cry i wont be able to stop...i jus dont get how someone who claims to love you soo much can hurt u soo bad an more than one time...it jus sucks ive been such a bitch to him lately an i have no choice but too....because its the only way i can protect myself from the pain that i have come upon im jus so tired of hurting an ifeel like i deserve so much more..so when he text me this morning telling me he was leaving for school i told him "I DONT GIVE A FUCK LEAVE ME ALONE" he hasnt text me all day..which in a since can be a very good thing...but its killing me cuz all i can think about is that fact that he probly already replaced me with her which hurts but at the same time ikno wut exactly she is going to fo through...i was jus hoping that maybe i could be the once to change him but i guess not. chelseas says men dont change until they are 40...i wonder if thats true im hoping when school starts i can keep my mind off all the bullshit...an when iget my number changed i wont be able tot alk to him cuz i refuse to give him my new number...i jus truly dont understand why love has to hurt so bad... jus sucks!

now that were seperated

so me an "ass hole" decided thats its best if we take a break.. i told him that he jus didnt need a girlfriend at this momment with all the things that we have been going through an the thng that we will continue to go through he jus need the added stress or the worries of hurtin me...i ttried to take it bac but he agrees we have come to an understanding an were going to wait for each other i guess..i hope this works out but there is a part of me that jus doesnt kno..since we decided this things have been good he has done a complete 180 turn calls me every nite text me every 5 min an is all about makin sure that im ok..he decided that after this year of school he is going to the air force which me being who i am im not to happy with the idea but me being the good lil girlfriend or w.e i am i support this choice only because its the right thing to tdo...i really hope this works out for the better an not the worse..he starts school in a few weeks...an he wont be stayin in the dorms which is ALWAYS a plus..im kinda going bac an forth with this idea but i dunno...life seems to be gettin together an workin out an i never been happier..i jus hope it all works out for the best... :)

so sick

ignorance is bliss

sometimes i find myself surrounded my the most ignorant ppl on the face of the earth i feel like i need a lie detector permenatly stuck to my forehead... like ugh

so everyone knows ive dated some serious ass holes in my day but nobodi can possibly compare to the ass hole im dealing with noww...i love him to death but he does some stupid ass shit, get ur shit together seriously things would be perfect if he wasnt such an ass hole..an lord knows it hasnt always been like this an maybe thats why im havin such a hard time with the change an im not sayin change is a bad thing cuz it is EVERYBODI changes i jus feel like somtimes when ppl change they forget about the ones who have been there the most this is not jus the guy i was jus talkin about this goes for everyone im havin so many changed go on in my life an im starting to truly find out alot about myself an the ones around me..ive jus never been one to have the easiest time with change...im leaving for college soon an i have never been more excited but i carry some sort of feeling along with me im nervous an im worried an scared of wasting time an feeling like my time was wasted...5 years an 9 months a waste an i cant handle that thats too much...nobodi would truly understand wat i think about when it comes to matters of "ass hole" an i dont expect anyone to understand well until tonight when my thoughts have become more clear an im not watchin a movie with my mom ;)
*kisses*

not a proper intro but my mind is OVER FLOWING

so my shit jus got deleted an im pissed buttt uhhh imma start over so i jus wanna say this idea was given to me by somone im no longer friends an i thought it was a good idea jus cuz i got alot of shit going on so im jus tryin to get it together soo yes b4 anything SMART is said YES CREDIT IS GIVEN TO U..its a good idea jus dont get use to it ;) but anyway now that thats out the way..

as this being my 1st blogg i have alot to say an i need to get all my thoughts out soo this is the best way i found without screamin an yellin so yea...im not gone write alot tonight imma give the HOLE LOW DOWN on this going on but as for now this is my im jojo aka COOKIE lol my life is not ordinary its INTERESTING an there for i have alot to say i jus REFUSE to write the hole long things i jus wrote two sec ago that some how got deleted..soo yea i will be bac tomrrow until then...
*Kisses*